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Me and my boyfriend split up 3 weeks ago today so at first I had a major cry as u do. Then when people have been asking if I'm ok I've said no I'm not and theres been nothing more said about it. But now people will ask me if I'm ok and i'll say yes I'm fine when I know deap inside that I'm really not fine at all. I answer with this "fake happy atitude" but people believe it and I suppose by doing that I'm trying to make myself believe the lie too its as if that that lie will make my life more bairable. And now I find myself crying when I'm by myself because I wont let myself cry infront of others. And it cud be the smallest thing that makes me cry. I know that sounds sad, I mean for god sake I can't even wright this stupid blog entry without crying. I can't watch anything about love or death because I feel like a part of me has died. I don't know what I'm supposed to do: do I try and get on with my life and get over him if so how am I supposed to do that when I know I still love him or am I suppoesed to do something else? I don't like not knowing what to do, as I normaly know what it is I should do, I don't like not being able to control what I should do in my life. It just hurts so much that I just want to be numb so that I can't feel the hurt and the pain. It seems that the hurt and the pain I feel are so great that their tairing me apart inside. It's like feeling anything feeling any emotion is just too much granted hurt and pain. I'm sure it would all be ok if I knew that I would move onto love someone else. We where so emotionaly close that I feel like I don't want to be that close to another person in the same way ever again. I just don't want to get hurt again. I would tell one of my friends but I don't want to burden them with my problem as I am sure they have their own. But this hurt, pain and not knowing is tairing me apart. I just feel so lost!!!
a very sad, hurt, painfull and lost
me
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